“I Am Tired of Things Going Against This Mission I Set Out.”

Every year, we spend time creating our vision boards. On our boards, we create our aspirations for the year and then do everything we can to ensure they happen.

Sometimes, we will fall off midway through the year, but right before the end of the year, we will get back to working on making those goals happen.

However, one of the hardest things to deal with is when our vision boards don’t go according to plan. When everything we try to do doesn’t get us any closer to where we thought we would be, it can feel defeating.

It may lead us to question what we are doing wrong, whether we are not good enough, or whether we are qualified enough to receive what we are hoping to gain.

Unfortunately, this will lead us down a downward spiral of confusion, self-criticism, and self-judgment about the versions of ourselves we are in the current season of life.

Although the above is one way we could handle the situation, tonight, I want to share an alternative we could take to deal with the plan changing or not meeting the expectations we thought it would provide because we can be self-critical, but where does that get us?

It only leads us to shame, guilt, and stress that we don’t deserve in the long run. Therefore, let’s change the trajectory and try something different.

We will begin our discussion with one 🔑 question many people sometimes forget to ask themselves: Have I tried all the options?

When we create a plan or a goal, we often do not leave room for alternatives. We also “beat” ourselves up if we don’t fulfill what is on the page and consider ourselves “failures” if the plan does not come to fruition.

But if we started creating goals with alternative ways of reaching them, for example, let’s say we want to “Fix our relationship with our parents,” it would help.

As we know, there are many ways to reach this goal. But often, we will only use one technique. What if we set goals to try each method for a certain amount of time, so we have tried every avenue we can?

Therefore, we may try therapy for a year, a journal for six months, a familial retreat for a weekend, use boundaries, or even talk to our pastor bi-monthly for support.

But let’s make it simpler. What if our goal is to move out of the apartment we are currently in? We may want to try a realtor, look at apartments/houses by ourselves, ask our network, save for a year before we start looking, or even read books on how to move because, Ladies, it’s not about the destination; it’s the journey that gets us further in life.

Therefore, ladies, moving forward, if you have a goal, align yourself with more than one alternative technique to get there. No, it doesn’t mean everything will work out as you intended, but you can say you tried everything to reach the goal. Failure describes someone who doesn’t try, not someone who puts in the work.

This brings us to our second 🔑 question for today:  Does my plan have to follow the expectations I’ve created for myself?

Unfortunately, when we set goals, we don’t know the journey we will take to get there. We only know where we are starting and where we hope to end. Therefore, we must recognize that things don’t go according to the plan, not because we aren’t worthy, but because it may not be the right time.

Sometimes, things “not working out” means preparing for something better that will sustainably fit your lifestyle, or it requires a little more preparation to get there.

Therefore, I want to share four steps we can take to deal with the disappointment and distress caused by events that don’t go as we expected.

1. Pause and Reflect on the Bigger Picture:
   1. Before we start spiraling into the idea of “Why me,” take a moment to ask, “How can I learn from this moment?” We cannot grow in intrusive or negative thoughts. We can only grow when we step back and analyze the complete picture of what is happening. What has contributed to this outcome? And who may we need support from to figure out our next steps?
2. Redefine What “Delay” or “Failure” Looks Like:
   1. External pressures, comparison to others, or past visions of ourselves often shape our expectations. We must ask ourselves, “Is it okay to change my thoughts?” This is not in pursuit of “cottling” our feelings, but instead it’s teaching us how to adapt. Adaptability is a superpower in adulthood, allowing you to pivot even when disappointment arises.
3. Lean into Those Around You:
   1. Feeling stuck is a temporary state of being, not permanent. Therefore, reach out to those you trust, mentors, friends, and individuals who push/encourage you. Sometimes, we need that reminder that we are not alone in navigating the absurdities associated with adulthood.
4. Understand it is Not Your Job to Be Perfect:
   1. Rigid expectations can lead us down a path of destruction, as they teach us to hold ourselves to unrealistic standards that can cause unnecessary stress. Therefore, it’s essential that we set goals that allow for flexibility, mobility, and wiggle room because perfectionism isn’t going to get us closer. Rest, breaks, and grace are also needed for the recipe for success.

Challenging our regular patterns is not always easy; sometimes, we stop doing it because it becomes challenging. But in adulthood, we have come to see that we can overcome. We may not be able to see how, but when it does come, we rejoice in our resilience and capability.

Therefore, don’t let the goal keep you from doing what you know you need to do to sustain well-being. It’s crucial to consider your mental, physical, and emotional health while climbing the ladder of success. Your well-being matters and is a vital part of your journey.

As a result, don’t stop when the goal doesn’t go according to the plan; instead, re-calculate. Every person you consider successful in your life must do the same, so why not try it yourself?

I’m eagerly looking forward to our next meeting, where we’ll discuss “Celebrities Say Vote: But, Why?”

Peace & Prosperity,

Jadis DeShong-Venay