How to Dodge the Hype and Find Real Love

As Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes, Cuffing Season is a “period where single people begin looking for short-term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year” (Merriam-Webster, 2024).

Or, as social media describes it, “Cuffing Season” is the time we look for a “winter boo” or “cuddle buddy” to get through October to Valentine’s Day.

Often characterized by funny memes or TikToks, cuffing season has become a popular topic on Beyonce’s Internet. It usually starts with scouting in the August months.

Individuals begin to look for partners, whether in person, virtually, or through word of mouth, as they build their rosters for the highly anticipated playoff season. This allows individuals to know if they will be able to consider long-term potential.

One of the most intriguing aspects of “cuffing season” is its unpredictable nature. While there are success stories that lead to marriage or long-term partnership, there are also horror stories that can be quite frightening. This unpredictability is a reminder to approach cuffing season relationships with caution and reflection.

While success in cuffing season relationships cannot always be quantified, many individuals have shared that they have gained valuable insights and experiences while on the hunt, even if they haven’t found “the one.”

For example, they have been provided temporary romance on the nights when it gets cold, experienced fun, and enjoyed the concept of not having to worry about the complications that come with long-term relationships.

Although some have found those rewards, others have found challenges with the “Cozy Season Chronicles,” which brings us to our problem-solving question for today.

How do we navigate the hype and find love in these cozy season streets? It’s a question we’ll explore together.

Before we can find an answer, we must address the elephant in the room: What is going wrong in these cuffing-season relationships?

Well, after a deep dive into the Internet, I have found three constraints that seem to get in the way.

1. Rushing into relationships for the sake of having one —> Listen, I understand being lonely is not fun. But being in a relationship that doesn’t work can feel just as lonely as not being in one.
2. Different Goals—> Individuals may start out with a common goal but eventually recognize that they were never on the same page.
3. The Sun comes back, and the person you’re with no longer fits your life season —> I am not sure I need to explain this one, lol!

With many possible challenges, individuals often feel defeated and exhausted by constantly building a new roster of contenders.

Now, I am no expert on relationships. But, after speaking with some of my closest friends, fellow long-term relationship-goers, and reading enough books on love, I have found a few tips that could be helpful in this category.

Challenge Your Old Patterns:

There’s an old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” (Cambridge Dictionary, 2024). Not only is that a complete lie, but it also makes people believe they can’t change their habits.

If we use these beliefs, we create assumptions that we will never be able to approach dating from a new lens when we can do anything we put our minds to.

Therefore, it’s time to look inside. Are your dating habits setting you up for the love you want?

For instance, are you communicating that from the first date if you want a long-term connection? Do you find yourself comparing your new situation to the old one? Are you being overly critical?

By identifying and understanding our past patterns, we can shift our focus from seasonal flings to genuine connections, empowering ourselves in the process.

Are you holding yourself accountable? Are you holding those you’re talking to accountable?

One of the top complaints I hear from fellow women is that “I don’t want to hold someone accountable and push them away.”

But is it better to hold someone accountable and see if there is room for change or stay in a relationship filled with red flags?

I will let you decide what works best for you. But, I caution you that the more you don’t hold someone accountable, the more they will do things that disregard your needs.

Real love starts with self-autonomy. Establish realistic goals and schedule check-in times with yourself.

Therefore, you can prioritize what you need in a partner, maintain your highest standards, and stay aligned with your vision for a fulfilling relationship.

Please let me know if you need further assistance creating realistic relationship goals. I am happy to produce some content on how to do so.

Stay Open to New Experiences:

Sometimes, genuine love looks different from what you expect. I have never met a couple in a long-term relationship who has not admitted that things did not go the way they thought they would.

Therefore, avoid being out in these cozy streets looking for perfect things or always aligning with what you thought it would be like. Be open to the idea that something is out there for you; it may take time.

Be open to new types of people, different forms of dates, and possibilities for long-term love.

I honor that marriage isn’t for everyone, so be clear about what you expect and be open to finding it with someone.

Well, those are all my tips for today! I hope the cozy season grants you all of your wildest wishes.

I’ll see you next week when we discuss “Fired & Inspired: Your Next Move Starts Here.”

Peace & Prosperity, as always!

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

Cambridge Dictionary. (7 November, 2024). “You Can’t Teach an Old Dog New Tricks.” Cambridge Dictionary. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/you-can-t-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricks#google_vignette

Merriam-Webster Dictionary. (7 November, 2024). “When is Cuffing Season?.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/cuffing-season-meaning-origin