What If Others Don’t Accept Me?

The older I got, the more I realized how my mother was right when she said, “Jadis, not everyone can eat with you at the same table.”

Growing up, I thought friends lasted forever. But as I have become older, I realize that friendships can last a day, a month, a year, or even multiple years.

Friendships can end due to a lack of communication, different life priorities, lack of reciprocity, geographical distance, and unresolved conflicts.

One aspect of friendship dynamics that often goes unspoken is when relationships end because of a misalignment in values. It’s important to remember that this doesn’t imply one person is superior to the other.

Instead, as Robert Frost once said, it demonstrates, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference” (Poetry Foundation, 2024).

While, Frost made it sound like a whimsical journey. Losing a friend because you’re changing can be a petrifying experience.

It often leads us to question ourselves, such as, “Is there something wrong with me?”

The short answer is 100% no. The longer question is, why does losing a friendship make you feel like you’re doing something incorrect?

Growth often means outgrowing old beliefs, habits, and even people. Our journeys require self-discovery and improvement, which indicate wisdom. Sometimes, personal transformation can make others “shaky in their boots,” but “how can you hate from outside the club?”

Let me stop. The discomfort others feel when we change is not about us; instead, it’s about where they are in the stages of growth.

According to psychologists, there are five Stages of Change: “pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation/determination, action/willpower, and maintenance” (Loma Linda University, 2024).

When we reach maintenance, we sometimes forget that those around us are still contemplating the growth they hope to get. Let me break that down! We maintain our behavior changes that contribute to growth, but they can only acknowledge the problem and have yet to be ready to change. Understanding these stages can help us empathize with others’ journeys and manage our own expectations.

Often, this clash leads to us becoming defensive because it’s challenging to see our “two roads diverge” (Loma Linda University, 2024).

But, instead of becoming defensive, I ask that you consider, “Does everyone have to eat at the same table as me?”

If not, does that make me a bad person? Or does that mean the road I am going down requires a different form of love, friendship, accountability, or support?

Ladies, only some are meant to continue with you into every new chapter. Part of evolving is appreciating that some relationships and spaces serve us for only a season of life. Setting boundaries with those who no longer align with your journey is okay.

Sis, staying true to your old version to make others comfortable is self-sabotage. Embrace the growth and let go of anything that doesn’t fit the new vibe.

Listen, why would you accept things, if Effie in Dreamgirls didn’t accept Curtis’ inability to see her progress?

As always, I love to leave you with some GEMS to take for the road.

Therefore, remember to celebrate your growth, even if others don’t accept you. Recognize that each step forward is a success. Don’t worry if others haven’t caught up.

Additionally, surround yourself with supporters. Seek a community that challenges you, helps you maintain your growth, and holds you accountable.

Lastly, honor your “non-negotiables.” Set boundaries with those who can’t accept you. Focus on spaces that celebrate your wins, and don’t turn to pettiness when you’re thriving.

Honey, you’re the most unique person here. Therefore, avoid people who dim your light.

Shine bright like a diamond!

Well, I have accomplished my mission for today!

I’ll see you all next week when we discuss The Cozy Season Chronicles: How to Dodge the Hype and Find Real Love.

Peace & Prosperity,

Jadis DeShong-Venay

P.S. Head Over to Our Instagram To See More Ways You Can Continue to Grow Despite Others’ Opinions!

References:

Loma Linda University. (2024). Stages of Change Model. Loma Linda University. https://medicine.llu.edu/academics/resources/stages-change-model

Poetry Foundation. (31 October 2024). The Road Not Taken. Poetry Foundation. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken