How to Forgive Yourself 101:

Forgiveness always seems like a simple concept, but it can be pretty complex when you think about it. 

            But it can sometimes be even more complicated when the person you must forgive is yourself for something you’ve done.  

Worse, our intrusive thoughts play a massive role in our inability to offer ourselves grace, making it daunting to forgive ourselves. 

            But I am here to say that it isn’t impossible. With this quick and interactive post, you can forgive yourself in just five steps. 

Therefore, go ahead and get yourself a notebook and a cute pen, and get ready to take some notes. 

#1: Accept the Imperfections: You can’t be Perfect 24/7! 

            If I had a dollar for the number of times I’ve heard this suggestion, I would be a millionaire. But ladies, it’s good advice!

If we could only accept our humanness, we would realize how much grace we should offer ourselves for the decisions we make in life. 

            Because ladies, we can’t do everything perfectly every time. We are bound to make mistakes. 

We are bound to fall and have to get back up. But it’s up to us to decide what we consider is falling based on the different situations we experience in life. 

            Falling into a relationship doesn’t mean the world will end. Similarly, losing a job doesn’t mean you will not find another job more conducive to your needs. 

            And yes, it is not a typo. I mean “falling” and not “failing” because there is a difference. 

Failure is not trying. Falling means I tried and didn’t work out, but I will try again. You have to accept that perfection cannot be your goal; instead, learn from what you do in life. 

#2: Acknowledge the Guilt you Experience

Baby girl, don’t run from the guilt; tackle the guilt. 

            If we move on quickly, we’ve won the race and overcome the situation. 

But, in reality, if you rush your processing, don’t worry. It will come back to bother you at inconvenient times. 

            Therefore, sit in the guilty for a few days. Process the guilt. Fight with the guilt. Talk to the guilt. 

And, when you’re done sitting, sis Rise! 

            Rise like our elder, Maya Angelou, told us to! But acknowledge the pain before you move on and do what you must to keep healing. 

#3: Treat Yourself Like Your Girlfriend

Don’t be out here offering grace to your homegirls and not giving it to yourself. 

            Don’t be out here showing your friends compassion for their decisions; you can’t do the same for yourself. 

Take time to research self-compassion, seek support, get a journal, and battle the difficulty of showing yourself kindness. But baby, don’t stop showing yourself love. 

            If you could be perfect, you would be. And, since you can’t, don’t worry about beating yourself up. Honor your feelings and hold yourself the same way if your friend calls you in the same situation. 

Give yourself the same love and understanding. Forgive yourself like you forgive that partner who keeps doing you wrong. 

            There’s no reason or explanation why you don’t deserve self-compassion. 

#4: Stop Replaying the Situation

Girl, it happened, and it went. You don’t have to keep reminding yourself of what happened. 

            No one will pull up a video to remind you either because they don’t have the editing teams of some of your favorite reality shows. 

This isn’t RHOA or Love & Marriage Huntsville. This is reality, unscripted, and in real-time. (i.e., no shade; these are great shows, lol)! 

            Therefore, don’t keep replaying the past version of you. Press play on future you! 

Because if you don’t, the version of you who wants to heal will not be able to shine bright, and baby, we have stuff to do. 

            Like the Jefferson’s, “We are moving up to the east side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky… We finally got a piece of the pie.” 

#5: Pray about it!

            Maybe you don’t believe in the same God I do, and that’s okay. 

You don’t have to.

But there is always an open door to give your burdens to someone willing to carry them. 

Let someone else carry what is hard for you to have. There is no reason to do this life alone! 

            And you can always reach out to IHateAdulthood; we are always willing to support you! 

Well, that’s my little Forgiveness 101 for you. Let me know your thoughts in the comments! 

I’ll see you next Thursday for our subsequent discussion!

Peace and Prosperity, as always!

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

Dubois, J. (1975). Movin’ on Up (The Jeffersons Theme Song) [Song]. On Tropic Thunder.