Insecurities Can’t Live Here Anymore!

One of my favorite songs by 3LW is “No More (Baby I’ma Do Right),” and I enjoy it so much because of one of its infamous lines: “No More” (3LW, 2000).

I love it so much because it reminds us that we shouldn’t tolerate things that no longer serve us, such as relationships, jobs, family members, and even our interests. 

How many broken promises have you given to yourself that you’re going to STOP letting your insecurities get in the way of stepping out of your comfort zone? 

Don’t worry; I will give you time to let me know.

This post is for you if you have answered that question multiple times. 

Like 3LW said, “You do, or you don’t. You will or you won’t. You can or you can’t. But, no more, baby,” You’ve got to do right for yourself! 

We must stop letting our insecurities have room at the tables that have prepared for us so that we can succeed in life. 

Therefore, ladies, tonight’s conversation is about how to stop letting your insecurities keep you from where you’re supposed to be in life. 

Because ladies, it’s time to say, “#NoMore!”

Step #1: What are the insecurities you are facing in your life?

First, we must define insecurity before we label what it is in our lives. 

According to Choosing Therapy, Insecurity “involves an overall sense of uncertainty or anxiety about one’s worth, abilities, skills, and value, conveying the message that you’re at risk or in danger of something or someone (Choosing Therapy, 2024). 

Unfortunately, this could negatively impact our lives physically, mentally, and emotionally. As a result, there can be insecurities in our “social relationships, jobs, body image, and basic needs” (Choosing Therapy, 2024). 

Some signs of insecurity include “low self-esteem, feeling generally uncertain about the world, perfectionism to the point of never being satisfied, and an overriding feeling of inadequacy” (Choosing Therapy, 2024). 

But, breaking this down into simpler terms, insecurity can look like self-doubt, jealousy, procrastination because a task seems complicated, feeling overwhelmed by everything, and not stepping out of our comfort zone. 

Insecurities about the way we look, how we perform academically or professionally, how we show up in the world, and how we view ourselves in the mirror can lead to avoiding things that may benefit us overall. 

I’ll make it even simpler for you. Sometimes, if we don’t like how we look in the mirror, we won’t go on a date, which stops us from building relationships with others. Or we may find ourselves avoiding applying for a job because we don’t feel qualified, which prevents us from receiving the salary we deserve in this lifetime. 

But now that you know what insecurity looks like, it’s important to figure out its root cause. For instance, does it come from a past relationship? Does it come from childhood? Does it come from harsh words spoken by a former employer or professor? Does it come from negative statements made by family members?

Once you can determine where it comes from, you can decide how to heal from it. And once you can recover from it, you can start challenging it. 

#2: Heal Baby, Heal!

Once you know the root cause, it is more conducive to figuring out how to heal from it. I

Of course, there are many ways to heal, but here are a few suggestions. 

1. Confront your feelings by seeking professional support. Therapy is helpful; a life coach can make a difference, a support group gives love, and a spiritual advisor can help you overcome. 
2. Prepare yourself for what comes with healing. Healing is a journey, not an overnight process. Be open to good days and challenges. It comes with the territory. 
3. Challenge your negative thoughts. Ask yourself, “What is an alternative way of looking at this insecurity?” 
4.  Surround yourself with good people. Block those social media pages that make you feel down. Block those phone numbers that make you feel insecure. And find you some praying warriors, positive-seeking individuals, and loving friends who will hold you down through it all. 
5. Do it SCARED! 

#3. Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

Honey, you don’t know how many times a day I must remind myself that the insecurity I may have cannot win. 

Our beliefs must be stronger than our feelings so that we can remind ourselves that insecurities don’t always last, and that joy comes in the morning. 

Get a journal and write down all the hurtful things you say about yourself. It will make you cry—that’s okay! It’s good to release. 

Ask yourself, “Would I want a friend to think about themselves similarly?”

If not, go line by line, writing down alternative thought processes for the ones you wouldn’t want your friends to believe about themselves. 

Y’all, know I love examples, so here are a few. 

1. I wouldn’t want my friend to think she isn’t gorgeous. Therefore, the alternative would be, “I am beautifully, wonderfully, and amazingly made.”
2. I wouldn’t want my friend to think she isn’t intelligent. Therefore, the alternative would be, “I am capable of anything I put my mind to.”
3. I wouldn’t want my friend to think she can’t reach her goals. Therefore, the alternative would be, “I am as smart as anyone else. I got this.”

Write these alternatives down on sticky notes, and sis, do like Mary Jane! Put them all over your bathroom, read them daily, and remind yourself of them even when it’s hard. 

Insecurities don’t have to control you! 

You can control your insecurities one day at a time, one second, one minute. 

I love y’all for real! Therefore, I hope you all will love yourself enough to let your insecurities know that you can’t live with you anymore. 

Let me know in the comments when you’ll stop letting your insecurities live with you anymore. 

 I will see you all in our next Post!

Peace & Prosperity, 

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

Choosing Therapy. (2024). Insecurity: Definition, Causes, & 11 Ways to Cope. Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/insecurity/

3LW. (2000). No More (Baby I’ma Do Right) [Song]. On 3LW. the spheres. Epic.