According to Psych Central, Emotional invalidation is the “act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors” (Psych Central, 2024). 

It says to someone: “Your feelings don’t matter. Your feelings are wrong” (Psych Central, 2024). 

It removes the acknowledgment of your feelings, excluding how situations, people, and circumstances make you feel. 

But more importantly, we may find ourselves using phrases like “It could be worse” “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I’m overreacting.” 

But are you? Or are you simply denying, minimizing, or invalidating yourself? 

I know I am guilty of emotionally invalidating my feelings. Although, I know I am feeling burnt out by something I will ignore the signs by telling myself, “It could be worse.”

Or, I may say to myself, “I shouldn’t feel that way I haven’t done enough.”

Although, I have every right to feel the way I do. Unfortunately, I will instead reject my inner feelings for the benefit of others.

Ladies, how many times have you done the same thing in your life?

This past week, on Instagram I completed a poll asking the fellow women of IHateAdulthood asking the same question, and “86%” of our community said they did. 

Therefore, I think it’s time we have a small convo on some different ways we can stop invalidating ourselves because we can’t expect others to validate us if we don’t start validating ourselves. 

We can’t expect to stop feeling “numb,” if we don’t start acknowledging the pain we feel internally. 

And we can’t expect things to get better if we don’t take the time to acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place. 

#1: Start acknowledging how you talk to yourself. 

Ask yourself, “Do I use a lot of invalidating statements?” 

Invalidating statements can include, “I shouldn’t feel this way, I’m not having this discussion, I shouldn’t think about it, and I need to move on already, etc.”

Ask yourself, “If my homegirl or homeboy was going through the same thing, would I say that to this person?”

If not, then why are you saying it to yourself? 

#2: Start looking for the triggers of your invalidation.

Pay attention to the patterns of the invalidating statements you use with yourself. 

Notice when they occur. For instance, do they happen a lot at work, home, school, or in other areas of life? 

Do you notice yourself using them more in comparison to others? Or do you use them to “numb” yourself from dealing with the actual issues going on in your life? 

Is it a trauma response? 

#3. Start setting some boundaries with yourself. 

Find ways to replace your invalidating phrases with more validating statements. 

For instance, you can replace “I shouldn’t feel this way” with “I feel this way because this situation has caused me pain.” 

If that feels too uncomfortable, then sis, journal! 

Write out your thoughts on paper. Therefore, you’re at least processing how you feel and not moving on too quickly from the situation. 

#4: Allowing yourself time. 

Rome was not built in a day. Therefore, don’t be too hard on yourself if it’s challenging to keep replacing the negative self-statements. 

Take your time with the process. 

If you find it too hard, seek support. Join a support group (i.e., they are not all that bad).

Ask your friends or significant other to be your accountability partner. 

Allow yourself time to get used to the new language. And, if you fall out of routine, remember it’s like riding a bike. 

You can always get back up and try again. 

Ladies, in the comments, what’s one tip you will use from our discussion to “Quiet your Invalidation!”

I’ll see you next week for our latest post. 

Peace and Prosperity, as always!

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

Psych Central. (2024). What Is Emotional Invalidation. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-you-and-others-invalidate-your-emotional-experience