Trina said it best, “I am single again… Back on the prowl” (Trina, 2009). Scratch that, ladies it’s okay to be single and not back on the prowl! 

I don’t know about y’all, but often, when we discuss relationships with our friends, we are usually addressing romantic ones. 

And it wasn’t until conversing with one of my closest girlfriends that I was reminded that we need to talk more about relationships with ourselves when we are single. 

Sometimes, being single comes with a negative connotation. 

Sometimes, women are looked down upon for not currently or in the past having romantic partners. 

And I am here to dispel that concept because being single is where it’s at!

There is less drama, more peace, fewer potential fights, and more time to work on yourself. 

For example, you can heal, learn the ins and outs of who you are, and decide what you will accept and won’t. But more importantly, you get to be a little selfish, and that’s not always bad!

We often get out of one relationship and hop into another without processing or reflecting on what occurred in the last situation. 

Not only is this not an excellent way to operate, but it also leads us to carry “unhealed baggage” from one person to another. 

And, y’all, that’s not fun for anyone or you! 

So, today is dedicated to all my single ladies! 

Correction: Today is dedicated to all my single ladies looking to enjoy their single season.

Listen, there is a lot you can do when you’re single and not actively looking for anyone. 

#1: You can Travel without worrying about another person’s schedule! 

I don’t know, but syncing your schedule with someone else can be challenging. But, when you are single, you can enjoy as many solo or group trips as you want. 

You don’t have to check in with anyone (but please let someone know you’re safe); you can do it yourself! 

I’m not saying a partner holds you back, but when you’re single, you can move in a way that allows you to feel free and accept all life’s opportunities. 

#2: You can date yourself! 

I don’t know about y’all, but I have heard horror dating stories.

 But, when you’re single, you can afford to go to that 5-star restaurant and not worry if the other person can’t pay the bill. 

You can pamper yourself how you want to because you’re spending all your money on yourself. 

You can heal the pieces of you that might have broken due to past negative situations. 

You can ask yourself, “What do I love most about me? Who am I? What is something I want to work on, and What are my strengths?”

Don’t get me wrong, you can do these things in a relationship as well. But, when you’re single, it allows you more time to dedicate to bettering and focusing on yourself. 

#3: You can take time to try new things! 

Listen, your single season is the best time to try new things. 

For example, you can change your hair color, try a new class, join a club, and meet people without expectations. 

One of the best advice I received from a friend was, “In your single season, don’t limit yourself to the possibilities you can explore. Do it alone, do it scared, but still do it.” 

Step out of your comfort zone! Make new friends, try new restaurants, take a pottery class, do a trap paint class, and have fun! 

Singleness doesn’t have to be lonely if we allow ourselves to find other ways to connect. 

Getting connected with someone doesn’t always have to involve romantic feelings. We can also connect with people spiritually and emotionally in a platonic way. 

#4: You can take time to figure out what you need out of your following situation!

Being single offers an excellent opportunity to decide what you want out of life. 

And I don’t mean just a relationship. It also allows you to know what should be your next move. 

It might mean going back to school, starting a new program, moving out of your state, starting a business, creating a YouTube, going to coding classes, or trying therapy. 

You’re given so many options in your single stage that it may take a little longer to accomplish when you’re with someone else. 

Now, I am not saying the statement above reflects everyone’s journey. 

But, for some individuals, being in a relationship/situation takes them away from focusing on the things they need to accomplish for themselves. 

It is not because we don’t care about ourselves. 

But, when you’re in a relationship, you’re often compromising to make it work, and when you’re single, compromising doesn’t always have to be the first answer to problems that may arise. 

Instead, you might be able to choose yourself and your desires first before anyone else’s. 

So, to all my single ladies out there trying to learn how to enjoy the single season, don’t trip. 

Enjoy it for what it offers. 

Yes, there will be moments when you feel lonely. But you can also feel that way in a relationship with someone else! 

Yes, there will be moments where you have to do things or go out alone. But, you can feel the same way in a situationship with someone else.

Everything you did in a relationship, you can do single! 

Listen, singleness gives you a moment to do you, and we need those moments in life. 

50% of our IHateAdulthood members said they receive more quality time with themselves in their single season, while the other 50% said it allows them to have fewer problems with more peace! 

Ladies, please remember we need moments for ourselves, to only focus on our needs, and to say no to the possible nonsense that another individual can bring. 

So, I urge you to say yes to you! 

In the comments below, what is your favorite thing to do in your single season? Or, lead an encouraging word for a fellow IHateAdulthood member trying to navigate her single season!

Peace and prosperity, as always!

Jadis DeShong-Venay

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References:

Trina (2009). Single Again [Song]. On Still da Baddest. Borges; Slip-N-Slide.