Chapter 53: Living Life on Deadlines: Is It Worth It?

Hey Ladies, and Welcome to July! 

I cannot believe we are more than halfway done with 2023. The year is moving so quickly; soon, I will blink, and it will be December. 

But before we get there, let’s talk about something that has been on my mind for a few weeks. 

After watching The Breakfast Club on Youtube, as I do every morning, I came across an interesting conversation between Jess Hilarious and a caller. 

They discussed the pressure the young man felt to propose to his girlfriend since she had recently graduated from college. 

He explained to Jess and The Breakfast Club that he was about to start school soon and couldn’t afford to propose how he wanted to due to his financial situation. 

But, due to having multiple conversations with his girlfriend about the timeline she has made for her life, he didn’t want to ruin his girlfriend’s goals. 

For example, she wanted to be married by 30. And the caller would still be in school at the time. 

Jess immediately responded and explained that women often put themselves on deadlines, forgetting that it takes two people to tango. 

Jess explained that although she had set deadlines, she realized she didn’t need to.

She further explained that when she didn’t reach the goal in the time she set, it was okay because she was doing other things that made her happy. 

And it made me wonder whether all women set deadlines for their lives. 

Don’t get me wrong; deadlines can be helpful as they don’t allow you to accept below what you want.

But, I also wonder if we didn’t live with deadlines, would we feel less pressure in life? 

I don’t know about you all, but I am guilty of setting deadlines. I create them all the time. 

For example, I remember saying I wanted to be married by 25, travel the world until 30, and be done with kids by 32. 

Y’all, I am 25, and I ain’t married yet! Lol!

But I do have a Master’s, and I am building a business that I am proud of. 

And that was Jess Hilarious’ Point. I don’t think she was saying deadlines aren’t helpful, but she was saying that if they don’t work out, that’s okay too. 

We will set our life up on a timeline, not offering ourselves grace and feeling like a failure. 

But why, though?

Why do we feel like a failure if we don’t reach our deadline?

Where did we get this concept that if we don’t get married or have a successful relationship by a certain age, we won’t make it? 

Because I am going to make it, and so are you! 

Yes, it hurts when we don’t reach the deadline, but accomplishing other things is helpful too. 

But I will keep it real. It doesn’t fill the void. And I think that’s why we get so disappointed. 

We often put all our excitement into one goal, and when it doesn’t work out, we feel devastated. 

We feel heartbroken!

But I want to challenge you to set your deadlines differently in the future. Maybe we don’t pressure ourselves to be married or have a house by a certain age. 

Maybe we try buying a house, owning a car, and having a relationship when possible. And leave the rest up to God’s planning. 

Sometimes we try to be so in control that we forget we can’t control everything. If we could, we would have that partner or house by now. 

Shoot, we would have the credit score we want and be able to keep it there. 

Ladies, let’s have a heart-to-heart for a moment. Are deadlines stopping you from enjoying the life you have right now?

Are you grinding so hard to reach the goal that you’re not basking in the blessings you have already received?

If you have answered yes to either of those questions, check in on the pressure you’re placing on yourself to make it!

I am guilty of this too! 

Even further, I recommend checking if you’re comparing your deadline to someone else’s. If so, ask yourself, should my story look like theirs?

Ladies, if it happens 1, 5, or 10 years later, it doesn’t make you a failure! It makes you a human trying to enjoy what life has to offer. 

This year’s goal was ELEVATION! Therefore, we can’t just elevate how we do things; we must also upgrade our thoughts. 

So, today I leave you with a question, “What would happen if you didn’t live life on a time clock? Would you still survive?”

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below or on our poll on IHateAdulthood’s Instagram Page!

Peace & Prosperity, 

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

The Breakfast Club [Breakfast Club Power 105. 1 FM]. (2023, May 8). Jess Fix My Mess! Callers Tap Jess Hilarious for Relationship Advice [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB7s4ILGEzw&t=579s