Chapter 51: I Want TV Love, Too!

Ladies, I was watching re-runs of A Different World the other day, and it made me wonder where the Dwayne’s are.

Are they Hiding?

No, let me STOP! There are Dwayne’s out here. We just have to find them because Black women want that TV love, too! 

Martin & Gina!

Ms. Nikki Parker & Professor Oglevee!

Slim & Queen!

Issa & Lawrence, the final season!

No, all jokes aside, we needed to see the evolution of each of these couples, to see that dating and Love is accessible. 

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be challenging with a capital C, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. 

Finding a good partner is possible and doesn’t have to be something that feels like a boxing match. 

What Black TV Love has provided us is an inspiration for what we seek in the relationships we want, but we must remember that TV love is scripted. Real life isn’t. 

Our partners will go through hard things and won’t go away after one scene in a show.

Queen and Slim, an improbable couple, showed us that Love could stand the test of time, and when you love someone, you back them full throttle. 

While, Martin & Gina showed us that a partnership could withstand the good, bad, and ugly with some good laughs and communication. 

And don’t get me started on Issa & Lawrence. Now, I am not suggesting making your relationships identical to the couples discussed above, but there is a lot you can learn. 

For example, with our Insecure favorites, we learn that Love doesn’t always work out the first time. Sometimes, you have to dust yourself off and try again (Rae, 2021).

So, today I wanted to give some dating GEMS based on our favorite TV couples that we can apply to our daily lives.

#1: Martin & Gina: Don’t Stop Laughing!

One thing I loved about Martin and Gina was their ability to laugh at each other.

Ladies, life can be so challenging when you’re dating someone. One argument will lead to all hell breaking loose and peace being removed from the bliss you all once created with another. 

But, from Martin & Gina, we learned to let that _____ Go (you fill in the blank). Otherwise, you will be out here bickering with your loved one and not enjoying your time together. 

For example, if your partner leaves their socks everywhere, start making jokes about it. Yes, it is annoying to have to see them every day or pick them up 24/7, but it is not a reason to have World War Three in your home!

Laugh it off, and start leaving your socks around the house. I bet you they change! (Don’t listen to me, LOL)!

#2: Issa & Lawrence: Don’t be Afraid to Try Again!

Now, ladies, let me Disclaim this section of our conversation by stating you should do this at your own risk!

But, sometimes, our partner is someone we have dated before, and it didn’t work the first time. 

For example, maybe you were too young, not financially stable, lived too far, or needed help communicating right. It doesn’t mean a former partner can’t be your soulmate in the future!

Issa & Lawrence dated too many people just to end up back together!

Unfortunately, it left many people hurt along the way because they couldn’t get it together. So, instead of hurting others, pause and reflect. Is this person from the past the person I should be with it?

If not, let Go and let God!

If yes, find new ways to make it work. Try a relationship coach. Try new ways of dating. Try approaching communication differently! 

If it works out, please let your girl know! I love a good, rekindled love story! But, as I said above, it is only for some. Therefore, ladies, there are some people on your roster you need to let Go! 

#3: Whitley & Dwayne: Love is Patient, Love is Kind, It does not Envy, It does not boast! Fight for the one you love! 

Whitley and Dwayne fell in Love during their college years, which makes it more complex because they were young and still trying to figure out how to balance free time and school! 

But, one thing they did, despite the fights and unnecessary time apart, was they were patient with one another. 

I vividly remember when Dwayne pulled up on Whitley with her homegirls and said, “You’re my wife. I am not going to have another night without you. Come home so we can fix it (Carsey, 1993).

Dwayne & Whitley fought for what they wanted. And, ladies, you have to do the same. Now, I am not suggesting you exhaust yourself trying to fight for someone not showing reciprocal energy. 

But you should fight if that person is willing to fight with you.

Love is not easy! 

It is a journey that takes time and years to get correct. It will be challenging! So, don’t expect everything to work every day of the week.

And, Ladies a fight doesn’t mean you have to break up immediately. 

Love takes patience, compromise, kindness, and determination. It requires your and your partner’s willingness to try until you can’t try anymore. And, if you’ve done all you can, it’s okay to let go. 

There will be other fish in the sea. I promise! 

I hope today’s post resonated with someone in a way that teaches them that although TV love is a fantasy, it doesn’t mean that parts of TV Love can’t be replicated in the real world. 

Some individuals out here are willing not to take themselves too seriously, laugh at our mistakes, and not break up because of the simplest thing. 

Some individuals out here are willing to fight for you and stand the test of time with you. 

Beyoncé says it best, “I don’t care if we are on the run. Baby, as long as I am next to you” (Carter, 2014).

DISCLAIMER: Don’t take her advice literally. It just sounded nice for the song! 

But, some people out here will hold you down through the good and bad. And some partners will rock with you until the wheels fall off. 

If you’re in your single season and looking for love, don’t give up! It may take time.

Check-in with you, do the healing work and prepare yourself for the Love you want. I can promise it comes when you least expect it. 

Pray on a good partner, journal about your wants and needs, and then allow yourself to meet new and different people. 

#1 Rule: You can’t meet someone unless you let yourself OUTSIDE. Your potential partner isn’t coming to your bedroom window with a boombox. 

They are OUTSIDE waiting for you. Therefore, see your hairdresser, find a cute outfit, and go out! 

They might be at the Laundromat, the new Black-Owned restaurant, or even in the PEW, but you won’t know if you don’t see them. 

If this is not your single season and you’re riding out the relationship train, continue to date your person just like you did initially. 

For instance, maybe you all are going through a rough patch right now, and it doesn’t seem like things will improve. 

Ask your partner, “What was one place you loved going with me when we first started dating? Or, what is one show we loved watching in the beginning? 

Choose something you all Love, and try again. 

If things continue not to improve, please don’t worry. There will be someone after. Our minds tell us there won’t be, but there will!

Today’s message was to remind you all that Love is possible! We can get that TV LOVE, TOO! 

But, we must be willing to try new things, go OUTSIDE, laugh more, forgive more, and let ____ Go!

I will see you all in our next post!

Peace & Prosperity,

Jadis DeShong-Venay 

References:

Bowman, J. (Executive Producer). (1992-1997). Martin [TV series]. Fox.

Carsey, M. (Executive Producer). (1987-1993). A Different World [TV Series]. NBC.

Carter, S. (2014). Part II (On the Run) [Jay Z & Beyonce]. On Magna Carta Holy Grail [CD].

Rae, I. (Executive Producer). (2016-2021). Insecure [TV series]. HBO.

Waithe, L. (Executive Producer). (2019). Queen & Slim [Movie]. Universal Pictures.