Chapter 48: Building an Adult Village: Why is it Essential to Have One?

Hey Ladies, 

I hope y’all have been doing well and enjoying the warm weather! 

I recently conversed with my homegirl and talked about how much our village has helped us grow. 

We talked about how without them, we probably wouldn’t be able to make it as far as we have in our life currently. 

Our village has helped us through elementary, high, college, and master’s programs. 

Our village has protected us, scolded us when we were wrong, and supported us as we have achieved each goal on our bucket lists. 

And, it made us wonder, why don’t more of our friends have adult villages just like we did when we were younger?

So, being the people we are, we sent out a poll and were surprised to learn that people would like villages but don’t know how to create them. 

In our society, families are automatically connected to what someone’s village looks like. But, in 2023, I would like to help change that narrative. 

Your village doesn’t always have to be made up of family members. It can be made up of elders at your job, community members who have helped make a difference, teachers from past classes, or friends that inspire you. 

Villages are created to inspire, support, and help you elevate your adulthood experience. Therefore, I wanted to talk about today how we make a crew that helps us become the versions of ourselves we want to be. 

#1: Choose people who will help you step out of your comfort zone:

Ladies, don’t choose people who will always tell you yes. You don’t need a yes man or woman all the time in life. It would help if you had someone to challenge you, keep you in check, and tell you when you’re wrong. 

But more importantly, you need people telling you to reach for the stars! 

People who will push and motivate you to show out in this world. 

Therefore, you can’t choose people who will keep you in the box! You need people who will push you forward, help you remember where you came from, and keep you in the direction to progress. 

#2: Choose people who will pray and bless you:

You need prayer warriors in your corner. You need people who will pray, uplift, and ask for blessings to be bestowed on you. 

People in your village will play different roles. But please have at least one person in your crew that you can call and who will breathe life into your challenging situations. 

You need someone who will pray over and for you. 

You need someone who will read scripture to you. 

Someone who will help your spiritual journey because life isn’t easy. 

But, even more importantly, you may need someone to anoint you and remind you that the STORM is over Now. 

Someone who will pick up the phone at 3 am when the battle is trying to take you out and remind you that you’re a conqueror. 

But, more importantly, remind you that you’re the HEAD, not the Tail!

Let me stop preaching and get to point three, y’all!

#3: Choose people who have your best interest at heart:

Quick story time: As y’all know, two weeks ago, I graduated from my master’s program. I only told a few people I was in school because I like moving in silence. 

But, to my surprise, I walked into my office at work, and the village of people who had watched me be stressed, tired, and exhausted blessed me without me saying anything. 

I received kind words, gifts, and even teddy bears to celebrate my accomplishment. 

At that moment, I realized that a village doesn’t have to be made up of blood-related people. It can be made up of people who want to see you win. 

And, ladies, I want you to create a village that looks the same. Maybe the older neighbor continuously checks on you if you come in late from a function. 

The person you always see at the gym texts you to remind you to come. 

Your village should comprise individuals who care about you at the core and want to see you thrive. 

Disclaimer: Only some people can be in your village. Choose wisely. Use these tips to know who fits the profile and who should not be a part of the crew!

#4: Choose people who have similar values:

This one will take a little time to figure out. Hold some village applications, and ensure things align with those you choose to be in your inner circle. 

Make a list of your values and look for individuals who honor some of the same ones. 

It can even be values rooted in spirituality. 

You choose the values and then find those that are similar. 

Having a village that honors the same things, or most things, you do, makes a considerable difference because you don’t have to explain yourself a million times. 

#5: Choose people who you know will not be perfect all the time:

Jadis, what kind of suggestion is that? I know it sounds a little whacky, but hear me out. 

Humans make mistakes! We talk about it all the time on our platform. 

But how many of us apply it in life? 

I am here to say your village will disappoint you sometimes. Our villages will have differing views with your next steps. 

They will scold you and hold you accountable. 

They will sometimes say things wrong, and that’s okay!

You want people like that in your life. You want people who are fearless in making mistakes.

You want people who will apologize if they make a mistake, honor their word, and keep it accurate that they won’t always get this life thing right. 

Unfortunately, none of us will. And those are the type of people you want in your corner. 

A village is all about helping you be the best version of yourself! 

It doesn’t have to look perfect. There is no recipe for creating a village. It is all about creating an environment that is conducive for you. 

As children, we need support. 

But, as adults, we need it even more!

I’m still a baby adult. I am only twenty-four. 

I still need my village and will continue to need them. 

I hope this message inspires you today to cultivate this village because why not? Why not get support? Why not struggle through adulthood if you don’t have to? 

Until next time!

Peace + Prosperity, as always!

Jadis DeShong-Venay