Chapter 43: Dating in 2023: Who? When? Where? How?

One of my group chats’ most critical hot topics is always dating. Whether it’s my friends saying, “I will not date again in life,” “I think I am in love,” or “Get somebody else to do it,” love is always a buzzing topic.

And, while I am no relationship expert, I’ve seen enough relationships to know the difference between green and red flags.

But dating is more than understanding green and red flags. It’s also accepting that the person you’re speaking to or will converse with will be flawed.

I believe that’s one of the hardest pills to swallow when you’re out in the dating streets.

Whether you use an App, try speed dating, get a recommendation from a friend, or meet someone out on the town, understanding that that person will not always be everything you want is sometimes the most challenging part about dating.

As women, we will have checklists. These checklists may include a certain height, weight, tax bracket, or socioeconomic status.

And while those things are important, sometimes we forget loyalty, support, understanding, empathy, kindness, and good communication when looking for the next big thing created besides sliced bread.

Since the pandemic, I don’t have the perfect recipe for finding the best significant other, but I have learned that we may have to try different methods to find our 1 +1.

While artists, poets, and writers often discuss the beauty of love, they don’t always give the steps to get there because 2023 dating is a lot different than 2019 dating.

So how do I date in 2023, Jadis?

And I suggest approaching dating in a way you have not done before.

It may require you to step out of your comfort zone. It may require you to date someone who isn’t your “type.” And it would help if you did some inner work before you say yes to that one because we can’t keep approaching dating the same way we have done before and expect different results.

So, I will give this disclaimer now that you don’t have to take heed or try any of the GEMS I drop in today’s discussion, but I ask that you hear me out before you shut down any of the ideas I suggest.

1. Change Your list of requirements!

Now, I know this concept is controversial. I am not saying throw your checklist out of the window and settle for anyone who steps into your space.

But go through your list and remove the things that don’t matter. I promise there are at least one or two items you could take off that have been stopping you from giving a shot to someone who may deserve it.

Listen, dating doesn’t always mean you will fall in love. But it is an opportunity to know what you like and don’t like. But if you try new things, you can figure out what those things are.

So, switch it up. You never know if the results will grant you the peanut butter to your jelly.

2. Spend a little time doing some inner work

As I told you above, no human on this earth is perfect. Therefore, ladies, I always suggest looking into your inner self before you get back into the dating pool.

What are you still carrying from the past? What have you not healed from? What negative behaviors from past relationships have been brought to light that might not be helpful in the following situation?

Who are you? What standards do you hold for yourself? Whom do you want to be in the next relationship?

Now, those are a few questions to ask yourself. But, if after those questions and deeper reflection, you feel comfortable to hit these 2023 dating streets, then proceed with caution to #3.

3. Find a different way to date!

If you only use apps, try going outside.

I know that is easier said than done, but darling, your significant other will not appear at your door randomly.

Maybe they are the mail carrier or the Amazon deliverer, or they got lost while trying to drive, but otherwise, they aren’t going to appear magically, so you can’t sit in the house waiting for someone.

You have to put yourself out there but to your comfort level.

If you only date friends of friends, sis, try a non-friend of a friend. Recommendations are great, but what if your person is someone your friends have yet to meet and aren’t even looking at when you all are at brunch?

Lastly, try dating multiple people until you find the special one you want to date exclusively. It does not make you wrong as long as you’re honest with the individuals you interact with daily.

Communication is key! As long as you communicate, they can’t say you tried to play with their feelings.

They can, but you know it’s not accurate.

4. Enjoy the process of dating!

Dating does not have to be a race. You can take your time. Enjoy the outings. Enjoy meeting people.

Enjoy getting dressed up, calling your homegirls to ensure you look good, and the excitement of meeting a new person.

Family and friends will place expectations on us and ask questions that pressure us, but I’d like to remind you to take things one day at a time.

Find joy even when the date doesn’t go according to your plan. One alternative way of looking at it is not to date someone who doesn’t confirm details before buying a new outfit.

Or, I am proud of myself for putting myself out there.

5. Don’t give up!

I know dating can be challenging. And, sometimes, it is not fun!

But don’t give up. If the last five didn’t work, it doesn’t mean the sixth won’t.

Believe, have faith, and try! But most importantly, remember you can only control what you can. Therefore, you can only do your best!

The dating scene of 2023 takes work. There are many opinions on how women should operate or what’s appropriate for a woman to do when looking for someone.

But I remind you not to let social media fool you. Good people are still out there, and someone like you is looking for you. But if you give up, they won’t be able to find you.

Keep going, sis!

Let me know in the comments below which GEM you liked or how you are going to handle dating in 2023.

See you all in our next discussion!

Peace + Prosperity,

Jadis DeShong-Venay