Chapter 39: Sis, you Don’t Always Have to Respond: Learning the Art of Discerning When Something is Worth Your Energy or Not!

According to Dictionary.com, discernment “is the ability to recognize small details, accurately tell the difference between similar things, and make judgments by using such observations” (Dictionary, 2023).

Christians and other religions often talk about the importance of discernment. And, whether you believe in the same God as I do, each religious or spiritual background discusses the gift of discernment as it allows individuals to possess wisdom and be of sound judgment. 

And, although our chapter today is not about spiritual discernment, it is about having discernment when you should say something and when it is not worth your energy. 

Ladies, I cannot tell you how often I have responded to things I did not need to. I was wasting not only my breath but also my emotional well-being. 

Despite that fact, I have not mastered this skill, but I am working on it daily. And, between us I want to let you know it does get better because, at some point, we must accept that humans are not perfect. Mistakes will happen.  

Now, I will admit that this is not an easy task, but accepting that humans can’t be flawless is the best thing we can do. 

Otherwise, we will spend endless time racking our minds trying to understand why humans don’t think before they speak. As I get older each year, I realize a lot of friendships, jobs, businesses, or relationships could be saved by one person not clapping back. 

I know the rage of our society is to clap back and put individuals in their place, but I am here to say it isn’t always the best course of action. You just need to leave some individuals alone.  

And, if you can’t because they live with you, go ahead and take a deep breath and continue the conversation later. Set a boundary even if it is hard, and reward yourself when you maintain it. 

Because as Sardine Bread said on Instagram, “Don’t let anyone take you back to a level you graduated from” (Bread, 2022) And, sis, the motto for 2023 is to evolve! Therefore, don’t let anyone steal, kill, or rob you of your joy. 

Sometimes silencing the noise of others is the best thing you can do for yourself. 

Life will continue to life regardless if you stop and use the gift of discernment, but honey, it can go a lot smoother if you put your discernment into practice. 

You may ask, “How does one discern what is worth their energy?” But, ladies, there are many ways you can do so. 

First, you can give yourself time to process the situation. Ladies, don’t respond immediately, as life is not a Twitter battle. 

Second, you can be open to the idea that others won’t like you not responding, but it isn’t about their preference. It is about how you keep your peace and maintain your well-being. 

Thirdly, you can list your priorities in order from top to bottom. Therefore, you know if responding is worth your time or if it is adding a stressor to your life. 

Lastly, you can understand that not everyone’s intention will match their impact. We have discussed intention vs. impact before, and if you missed that post, check out our recent blog posts for more information. 

But, ladies, not everyone intends to cause a problem for you. Therefore, knowing who is trying to cause an issue purposely and who isn’t is vital. It helps you determine if you need to respond or not. 

But, overall, today’s message is to remind you that not everyone is worth your energy. 

If the person’s statement makes you step out of line, remind yourself to get back in order.

If the person’s statement makes you hop out of character, remind yourself to take a deep breath. 

If the person’s statement brings you down, remind yourself that you don’t have to respond. An individual who doesn’t make you feel good doesn’t deserve your time or energy.

No matter what ways you decide to choose when to use your energy or not, remind yourself to use discernment to make the best decision. 

We won’t always get it right, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t make it possible with baby steps. 

You’ve got this, sis! And, never let anyone make you return to the old version of you that you’ve tried so hard to overcome. 

Don’t let anyone derail your progress. 

Clapping back isn’t always necessary, and wasting your breath won’t make you feel better or handle the situation. 

Think before you do, and allow yourself to process before you respond. 

Let me know in the comments below what is one way you have used discernment to protect your energy. 

Until Next Time!

Peace and Prosperity, 

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

Dictionary.com (2023, March 21). Discernment. Dictionary.com. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/discernment

Bread, Sardine [@SardineBread]. (2023, March 17). Don’t let anyone take you back to a level you graduated from [Instagram Post]. Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp2zahqoraW/?hl=en