Chapter 34: How to Stop Letting Self-Limiting Beliefs Get in Your Way

Map of Our Reach in 2023 So Far!

Map of Our 2022 Reach!

How many of you know that if you could conquer that one negative thought that stops you from living out your dreams, you would be the next big Hit!

Because ladies, let me let you know you’re not the only one who feels this way!

If I could stop letting self-limiting beliefs like “I can’t” or “I am not good enough” get in my way, your girl would be unstoppable!

I would be the next best writer out of Boston, MA, selling out arenas on my international book tour! 

But, ladies, I am still trying to learn how to get out of my head! 

So, I wanted to share some tips that have helped me along the way because I want to offer reassurance that you’re not alone!

Here at IHateAdulthood, we conquer adulthood together instead of separately. 

Therefore, sis, if you have difficulty navigating something, we are all having a hard time. But, don’t worry, we will solve it together, one thought at a time. 

Often, we don’t even realize we are participating in the negative cycle called self-limiting beliefs. 

Sometimes they occur so unconsciously that we don’t even realize that the negative perceptions or assumptions we have about ourselves are holding us back from achieving our goals because they become so natural to us. 

We will constantly remind ourselves that we are not good enough, not qualified enough, and worthless, and everything we do has to be perfect. 

When in reality, those statements are the farthest from the truth! 

If you asked your homegirl or homeboy to share what they think about you, they would tell you the devil is a lie!

They probably would tell you to shut up and inform you how everything you thought you were wasn’t right!

But, I will not sugarcoat or negate your feelings because although others can see something in you, it doesn’t mean it is always easy to see it in yourself. 

It’s not always easy to see how others view you when you’re so used to believing something else about who you are or what you bring to the table. 

And, let me be the first to admit, I am guilty of this myself!

There are days when I can see that I am this Black woman on fire, and there are days when my thoughts tell me the complete opposite. 

But the most challenging thing is to stop yourself from going down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts that prevent you from reaching your fullest potential. 

And you all know what rabbit hole I am talking about going down. 

It will start as “I am not good enough” and end as “You will never be anything.”

Or, it will start as “I can’t apply for that job because I don’t have the training” and end as “Who would hire someone like me, so why should I try?”

If we got stuck in this negative cycle of assumptions or perceptions that stop us from seeing who we indeed are, we would continue to hold ourselves back from the possibility of whom we can become!

I want you to think about something you want to do. 

It could be moving across the country, starting a new career, or boosting self-confidence. 

Now, I was hoping you could think about all the self-limiting beliefs that show you that you can’t do those things. 

I’d like you to write them down on a piece of paper. When you’re done writing them down, please think about how you can prove those self-limiting beliefs. 

What is the physical evidence for “you’re not enough?” 

What is the physical evidence for “you’re worthless?”

What is the physical evidence that “everything has to be done perfectly for things to go according to plan?”

After you have considered the evidence you have gathered, I was hoping you could think back to where this concept stems from in your life. When did you start believing you were not good enough or not capable? 

Who made you feel that way? When they made you feel that way, how did you respond? Knowing what you know now, how would you react if you could return in time? 

Reflect on how this self-limiting thought has benefitted and cost you. How has it helped you and harmed you? 

When you’re done with your reflection, I want you to challenge your self-limiting beliefs by developing alternative ways of viewing yourself.

For every piece of proof that you found to support your self-limiting belief, I was hoping you could find a selection of evidence that challenges it!

For example, I need to improve because I can’t pass the bar exam. 

Counter-Evidence includes: I am a work in progress and doing the best I can. I will pass the bar in due time. I am good enough to be a lawyer. I am good enough to defend or prosecute someone in court. I am good enough because I have put in the years to make my dream a reality. 

When you’re done affirming yourself, I want you to start believing what you have written and remind yourself when you’re about to go down the rabbit hole of letting self-limiting beliefs win. 

It may sound awkward or uncomfortable initially, but the more you do it, the more it becomes a habit. 

Therefore, continue challenging yourself even when it is hard. 

Look back at your piece of paper as a reminder of what you’re working against so that you can become everything you’re meant to be and more!

Rome was not built in a day, so your problems will only vanish over time. 

But, with daily reminders and taking the time to work on the self-limiting beliefs that seem to stop your shine, you will begin to see how amazing you are! 

Life is a journey, and we will sometimes get it right!

But don’t let your thoughts hold you back from the places you should be in!

You’re supposed to be in that courtroom!

You’re supposed to buy that house!

You’re supposed to own that business!

You’re supposed to get that promotion at your job!

You’re supposed to succeed in whatever you want to do because you’re capable of whatever you put your mind to in life. 

You have to believe it! I know it’s easier said than done! But, refer to my suggestions above, it becomes easier over time!

And you’ve got me to help slay the goliath’s in your life called “Self-Limiting Beliefs!”

Until next time!

Peace and Prosperity, as Always,

Jadis DeShong-Venay