Chapter 27: Overcoming the Fear of Failure!

The late great tennis player Arthur Ashe once said, “Fear isn’t an excuse to come to a standstill. It’s the impetus to step up and strike” (Success Staff, 2022).

While conquering your Fear can be very uncomfortable, it can also be an essential thing you do in life. 

One of the fears that always seems to be a stumbling block in my life is the Fear of failure. 

I can remember the first time I failed in life. It was 6th grade, and I fell short in my math class, which resulted in me attending summer school. 

I was embarrassed, confused, and outright angry at myself for not asking for the help I needed so I could succeed. 

Since failing in middle school, it has been my mission not to fail again! No matter how many hours I spent studying, writing, working, or praying, I promised myself I would not fail again!

But, I realized that in trying to protect myself from failure, I was creating negative habits that I am still trying to work through to this day. 

For example, I don’t always take breaks from things when I should because if I stop, I’ve failed. 

Or, I won’t tell people no, even though I have a lot on my plate, because I don’t want to disappoint people. 

But, I have realized how detrimental being scared of failing is in my life because failure is inevitable. 

It will happen! Even if you dot all your I’s and cross all your T’s. 

Failure will happen, but it doesn’t have to stop you from reaching the goals you seek. But more importantly, it doesn’t have to stop you from being the person you want. 

Instead, it is another opportunity to build resilience. 

It is another opportunity to become courageous!

It is another opportunity to dust yourself off and try again!

But we can only do this if we change how we look at failure, which I will let you know doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, and you challenge yourself to learn how defeat can be more helpful than harmful.

I will be the first to admit that failure doesn’t feel good, and when it first happens, you might not want to look for the positives. But it doesn’t mean that failure can’t become an opportunity to learn and grow with time!

Therefore, ladies, instead of letting failure stop us in 2023, I ask that you allow it to motivate us to do better!

To heal!

To start a business!

To go back to school!

To start a program!

To sign up for a class, you need!

To pursue that dream, everyone keeps asking, “Are you sure you want to do that? How are you going to make money?”

Because if you live in Fear of the failure that may happen, you will get nowhere!

I can promise you that Oprah, Angela Yee, Meg the Stallion, and even The City Girls were scared that they would fail, but that never stopped them from pursuing the dreams they had for life. 

So, Jadis, what should I do?

#1: Re-define what failure means to you, and use it as a guiding light in every step you take

Failure is not a lack of success.

For us Independent Grown Women in Training, Failure is “another opportunity to get it right.”

Looking at failure from a different lens helps change the way you look at setbacks and reminds you that failure does not have to be the end. 

So, what if you tried to build a business five times, and it hasn’t worked? Keep trying!

So, what if you have tried to return to school two times, and it hasn’t worked? Enrollment is starting again in the Spring and then in the fall!

So, what if that relationship didn’t work out? Baby, there are more fish in the sea! 

But most importantly, there are more opportunities to get it right the next time. 

Never let a failure be a setback; let it be your mission to have a successful comeback. 

And, when others tell you it won’t work, let a hater know, sit back, and watch. I got this!

The hustle never stops. We hustle differently!

#2: Permit yourself to fail

Listen, some will tell you it’s reverse psychology, but I will say it’s acknowledging that you know you may not get it right the first few times, and that’s okay. 

Who has the perfect recipe to be a millionaire, no one!

Therefore, as you’re creating the recipe to success, it will take trial and error!

Rome was not built in a day, so please take time to work on yourself! 

But, most importantly, remind yourself that you’re human, so failure is bound to happen!

Once you can accept that fact, it becomes easier to let go when something doesn’t go according to plan!

#3:  Celebrate even if it doesn’t work out

Listen, I know we always want to get things right for the first time!

But even if we don’t, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pat ourselves on the back for not trying!

We should be proud of the steps we made.

I’ll be the first to admit that trying and failing is better than not trying, so be proud of your progress!

Failure is not a setback. It is progress to getting closer to something that will work!

#4: Figure out where your Fear of failure comes from

As I told you above, I don’t want to fail because I don’t want to be the little girl in summer school again!

But what is your reason?

Is it things that occurred in your childhood? Did someone say something hurtful? Did you fail one time and couldn’t pick yourself back up?

Whatever the reason is, please don’t let it define you!

Take the time to process it and work through it. 

You can ask yourself, “What did I learn from that failure? How can I change my mindset about the situation, and how will this failure help me try again”?

And after you have processed, please remind yourself that you’re not alone!

Everyone fails. It is a part of life! Therefore, no matter how many times you fail, it will not amount to how many times you will win!

#5: Have Faith!

While I know everyone in IHateAdulthood may not be religious, the Bible states, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Bible Gateway, 2022).

We may not be able to see our victories before they come! We may work on something 1,000 times until we get it right!

But, ladies, have faith! Have faith that dreams can come true!

Allow faith to be your coping skill when things don’t seem like they are working and you want to give up.

Continue to believe in yourself even when you’re scared to fail or even after you have failed because we may not be able to see the win, but it doesn’t mean it will not come in due time!

Thank you for coming to my soap box today!

I greatly appreciate it!

Next week on the blog, we will discuss some great gift ideas for last-minute holiday shopping!

Don’t forget to leave us your comments below, walk in faith, and use moments of failure as times to try again!

See you all next week!

Peace + Prosperity, 

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

Bible Gateway. (2022). Hebrews 11 KJV. Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2011&version=KJV

Success Staff. (2022). 31 Quotes About Fear. SUCCESS. https://www.success.com/31-quotes-about-fear/