Blog Post #26

Chapter 25: Getting Through the Holidays After Loss!

For many people, the Holidays can be such a joyous time where you get to spend time with friends, family, and even loved ones!

But, it also can be challenging, as many individuals are experiencing the Holidays without their loved ones around.

No matter if it has been six months, a year, or even fifteen years, not having a loved one who is dear to your heart around anymore can be quite a challenge.

But more importantly, it can leave you sad and not excited about the holidays!

I will be the first to admit that this next Christmas may be a little more challenging than before. November 28th marked the first anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, and I can’t lie; I miss her every day!

But, one of the ways I have become a lot better at coping with her loss is by allowing myself to go through the grieving cycle.

The stages of Grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And I am here to tell you that they don’t always happen in that specific order.

According to the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle, during our denial stage, we often avoid what is happening around us due to our shock that we have just lost someone precious to us (The Editors of Psycom, 2022).

In our anger stage, we will become frustrated and irritated with what has occurred. And we may even experience anxiety.

In our bargaining stage, we will struggle to find meaning, but we also may reach out to others for support.

Through our depression stage, we may feel overwhelmed and hopeless and operate out of flight mode.

But, through acceptance, we learn to explore our options and put new plans in place to cope with what has occurred.

Losing someone is already hard in itself. Therefore, please be kind to yourself during this holiday season!

Allow yourself to feel any of the emotions I stated above. As the holiday season approaches, you may find yourself cycling through those emotions, and I want you to know it’s okay.

You can feel happiness, sadness, anger, irritation, and confusion.

We are all human and sometimes we have to let ourselves feel even if it is hard to do so!

Secondly, I ask that you lean on those around you!

We are an online platform, but you can always find community/support from IHateAdulthood.

We are here to help and assist in this journey called Adulthood. Therefore, if you are having a moment this holiday season and need someone to speak to, reach out!

If I can’t give you the answers, I will try my hardest to point you in the right direction.

Besides us, I also ask that you reach out to your fellow loved ones, friends, and even significant others to help you get through this time.

We often cancel holiday plans for fear of bringing someone else’s joy down. But I want you to know you may need their joy this season to help you get through.

Their laughter, jokes, good memories, and even moments of sadness will allow you to feel human and know that others are going through the same motions this year.

But, when you are around others, tell them what you need this holiday season. Unfortunately, we were not given the gift of mind reading, so please let others know what they can do.

We often expect others to understand how to show up for us after years of being around one another, but sometimes individuals don’t.

So, please don’t cut off friends you’ve had for years. Let them know what you need, and then if they don’t show up, you decide what is best for you both.

Thirdly, ask for help!

Grief is often a process; sometimes we can’t do alone!

So many counselors, therapists, social workers, and psychiatrists out here would love to collaborate in helping you get through this process.

Reach out to one! Check out the resource page on our website, where you can find support.

Shop around. Meet with a few mental health specialists and then choose the best one that aligns with your values and will support you as your best self.

Never be ashamed to ask for help! I know it may feel awkward. But there are trained professionals ready to help you each step of the way!

Fourthly, do something in memory of your loved one!

Although they are no longer physically here, it doesn’t mean they can’t be here in other ways!

You could have a moment of silence for them before dinner starts!

Maybe you will visit their grave!

You could bring the family together to do one tradition your loved one enjoyed during the holiday season!

For example, my grandmother could make a mean ham, so this Thanksgiving, I helped my other grandma make the ham! And, while it couldn’t be just like hers, it was fun to do something she would have done during Thanksgiving!

It’s okay to do this activity alone or with other people. During the holiday season, I ask that you do what brings you peace and well-being!

If you went to a doctor, what would be the prescription they’d give you for Grief?

Mine would give me a shot of love, a dose of comfort, and a pill of I will get through this!

Therefore, I offer the same prescription to you!

If there is anything we can do to make this holiday season more manageable for you, please let us know in the comments below, on Instagram, or through email!

Until we speak to each other again, Peace and Prosperity, as always.

Jadis DeShong-Venay