Chapter 20: Five Ways to Become That Girl: Let’s Boost Our Self-Confidence + Self-Esteem Together!

“It’s not the diamonds. It’s not the pearls. I’m that Girl! It’s just that I’m That Girl” (Beyoncé, 2022)

Listen, Beyoncé Knowles has once again set the bar and told us to stop letting others play with us. 

But more importantly, she has reminded us not to play with ourselves!

I don’t know about y’all, but sometimes I forget “I’m That Girl.”

I play that game with myself that I am not top tier! When in reality, I am the moment! And so are you!

Sometimes I let negative self-talk win! But, baby, I am here to let you know we are kicking negative thoughts about ourselves to the left!

And we are accepting and embracing all that we are and have to offer to society!

This post is to encourage ladies reading our blog who sometimes forgets, like me, that we are the one and not the two!

It’s for the girls who may sometimes forget that we are the whole table! 

It’s for the ladies who maybe have been trying to figure out how to show up and be the Amazing women we already are daily!

So, please allow me to introduce you all to our That Girl era on IHateAdulthood’s platform. 

In this chapter, we will discuss five ways to become That Girl so that we can boost our self-confidence and self-esteem!

Because, sis, we are the culture! We are the originators! We are the trendsetters, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Well, let me stop ranting and get into our lecture at hand for this week’s conversation.

Before we can hop into our steps, we must understand what self-confidence and self-esteem are and what they can look like in our lives. 

So, grab your notepad and pen because I am about to drop some GEMS for you today!

For example, according to mind.org, Self-esteem is “how we value and perceive ourselves. It is based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can sometimes feel difficult to change” (Mind, 2022).

But I am here to tell you it is not impossible!

Now you may ask, Jadis, what does healthy self-esteem look like daily?

And don’t worry, sis, I got you!

It’s understanding the difference between confidence and arrogance!

Listen, you can be a confident boss, but don’t be arrogant!

Arrogance won’t get you anywhere you want to be in life. Instead, it will leave you believing your shit doesn’t stick when it does. 

It’s also knowing that you don’t have to be perfect! 

Baby, Rome was not built in a day! Therefore, love,  you can make mistakes, learn from them, and grow! 

It’s also accepting yourself for who you are!

Remember Aibileen told Mae Mobley in The Help, “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important” (TheHelpMovie, 2011)!

And don’t forget that, beloved! You’re a prize wrapped in a pretty bow. But, if you don’t accept yourself for all you are, how do you expect someone else to?

Well, since you can’t instantly write back. I will let you know if you can’t! 

It’s also open to constructive criticism!

Listen, we can all learn from one another! Please don’t take it as an offense when your homegirl tells you are being pessimistic. Ask her what she means, ask for an example, and apply the feedback accordingly!

Lastly, it’s not feeling inferior to other women when they walk into the room. 

Ladies, we are all QUEENS! Therefore, don’t be shy when another QUEEN walks in the room, or you see a fellow Independent Grown Woman! Don’t dim your light! Don’t try to sabotage them in any way! 

Show up and show out! March to your own beat! And walk away knowing that you’re That Girl! 

Now that I have provided some insight into good self-esteem, I will briefly define self-confidence!

According to Psychology Today, confidence is “The belief in oneself, the conviction that one can meet life’s challenges, and the willingness to act accordingly” (Psychology Today, 2022).

And, love, don’t worry. I will give you a few ways to boost that self-confidence and show up in the world as the woman you want to be!

Step 1: Offer yourself self-compassion!

You don’t know how often I tell people daily to be kind to themselves!

I know it probably sounds like a foreign concept! But, just like everyone else needs kindness, so do you!

You need grace, you need compassion, you need love, and you need tenderness!

If you don’t know where to start, ask yourself what do you need to feel good. 

What do you need to feel loved?

And don’t look for someone else to provide it to you. Take baby steps and offer it for yourself!

Step #2: Practice Positive Self-Talk

I told y’all earlier that negative self-talk is to the left!

Positive self-talk is on the rise!

And loving you for you is now your number one priority!

Therefore, talk to yourself like you would take to your friend!

Tell yourself in the mirror, “I am beautiful.”

“I am the table. I am who I am, and I love me for me.”

I know you’re probably like Jadis; that’s easier said than done!

But, ladies, let me tell you the more you challenge negative self-talk, the easier it becomes to start believing those statements about yourself!

So, I ask that this next week, you take 5 minutes to write a list of things that make you unique and different from others. When you’re done, put them on sticky notes around your bedroom! Read one each day! And, when you’re about to say something negative, challenge it with one of the ways you’re unique!

Don’t forget to report back to me and let a sis know how it went!

Step #3: Let go of negative people + destructive images

Social media and people’s opinions will present you with false narratives! But remind yourself the devil is a liar, and so are they!

Block those pages that are detrimental to your well-being. 

Block those friends who bring you down and make you feel less then!

And tell them that they have to go!

Write them their eviction letters and close the door as they walk out of your life!

Ladies, you deserve an environment of women and men who will support, encourage, and challenge you to be the best versions of yourself!

And if they don’t, go ahead and say adios, amigos!

Step #4: Show Up + Show Out, Sis!

Show up as you all the time!

The women and men who are most successful show up as their authentic selves at all times!

Therefore, as Independent Grown Women, we have to do the same!

Dress the part! 

Keep your head high!

Put some pep in your step!

And in every room that you walk into show up as your authentic selves!

A confident woman doesn’t bring others down! They help encourage and raise up others!

Therefore, ladies, show up and show out in your unique way, and help a fellow woman while you are on your way up!

Step #5: Don’t care what a hater’s got to say! 

I think that one is pretty self-explanatory, but I will quickly break it down!

There will be others that want to see you fail! Don’t worry about them in this life. It’s you vs. you at all times!

Individuals will write false narratives about you and lie about your name! Don’t let that rock your self-confidence! Rise! 

You’re That Girl at all times!

So, don’t be afraid to show others and to show yourself!

You matter as much as anyone else!

And please don’t forget it because you’re That Girl!

I enjoyed our conversation today! 

And I look forward to our discussion next week!

Hint: It’s an Interview I can’t wait for you to see!

Until next time!

Peace and Prosperity, as always!

Jadis DeShong-Venay

References:

Student Loan Debt Relief: https://studentaid.gov/welcome/?redirectTo=%2Fdebt-relief-announcement%2F

Beyoncé. (2022). I’m That Girl [Song]. Renaissance  [Album]. Renaissance.

TheHelpMovie. [TheHelpMovie]. (2011, October 14). “You is Smart, You is Kind, You is Important” [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H50llsHm3k

Mind. (2022, October 18). Self-Esteem. Mind.org. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/

Psychology Today. (2022, October 18). Confidence.Psychology Today.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/confidence